Lima
by gleekfreak55565
Summary: This is like the musical "Chicago" but with the characters from Glee. Hope you enjoy!
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Hi everybody! Hey hey, girl! Um, this is my first glee fanfic that is focused on Rachel Berry and not Kurt Hummel or Blaine Anderson. (I'm all for Klaine! :)) I'm not going to make it exactly like the movie muscal and/or broadway musical "Chicago" but I want to make it have the same idea. So tell me what you think. Hope you enjoy it!**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing :\ IT'S ON MY BIRTHDAY LIST! :)**

* * *

><p>"Where's Shelby?"<p>

Shelby Corcoran was just exiting a cab. She threw a couple bills at the driver and sourly said,

"Keep the change." She slammed the cab door and walked into the building. On one of the walls was a poster read, "Tonight at the presents: the Corcoran sisters: Sally & Shelby". She ripped the part with the word "Sally" off of the poster and crumpled it to the ground. She pushed open the doors and went toward her dressing room.

As she passed the stage manager he said, "Shelby, where've 'ya been?"

"Busy." Shelby curtly replied while never missing a step.

"Where's your sister Sally?"

"She's not feeling herself."

"They paid to see your sister act!"

"Don't sweat it, I can do it alone." She slammed the door and started to change into her outfit. "Shit." Shelby realized there was dried blood all over her hands. She quickly tried to wash the blood away. Once she decided there wasn't much else she could do about it, she turned off the water and left the dressing room.

"Shelby you're on!"

Shelby sighed and hoped on the elevating platform. As the platform rose through the stage, the music started to play.

She stood on the stage with her head down until she started to sing…

**Come on, Babe  
>Why don't we paint the town?<br>And all that jazz**

The spotlight shone bright on her. There was also an empty one to her left. She nodded to the right and the spotlight moved to face her.

**I'm gonna rouge my knees  
>and roll my stockings down<br>and all that jazz.**

She slipped into the dance and continued to sing…

**Start the car  
>I know a whoopee spot<br>Where the gin is cold  
>but the piano's hot<br>It's just a noisy hall  
>Where there's a nightly brawl<br>and all  
>that<br>jazz**

**And all that jazz**

**And all that jazz**

**Slick your hair  
>And wear your buckle shoes<br>And all that Jazz  
>I hear that Father Dip<br>Is gonna blow the blues  
>And all that jazz<br>Hold on, Hon  
>We're gonna bunny hug<br>I bought some aspirin  
>Down at United Drug<br>I case you shake apart  
>And want a brand new start<br>To do that  
>Jazz!<strong>

"Let's go, Rachel." Noah said while putting on his coat. Rachel and Noah were at the Onyx Club. Noah said that his friend that could get Rachel on stage was here.

"Noah, I didn't even get to meet your friend yet." Rachel worriedly said.

"Don't worry about it." Noah grabbed her hand. "It's all taken care of." He smiled at her wickedly and led her out the door.

"You told him about me." Hearing this news made Rachel extremely happy. More than anything she wanted to be known.

"Yeah, kid. It's all taken care of…" Noah slipped his hand down and squeezed her butt.

**Find a flask  
>We're playing fast and loose<br>And all that jazz  
>Right up here<br>Is where I store the juice  
>And all that jazz<br>Come on, Babe  
>We're gonna brush the sky<br>I bet you Lucky Lindy  
>Never flew so high<br>'Cause in the stratosphere  
>How could he lend an ear<br>to all that jazz?  
>Oh, you're gonna see your Sheba shimmy shake<strong>

The company sang with her…

_**And all that jazz**_

Rachel and Noah had just made it to Rachel's apartment while kissing and drinking on the way there. Noah pushed her into a door one time. That door opened to belong to Mr. Schuester.

"Oh! Hello Mr. Schuester…" Rachel had said giggly.

Mr. Schuester said sour. "Mrs. Hudson."

"This is Noah." Rachel pointed slightly at Noah whose body was pushed up against hers. "He's my brother."

Noah laughed and pulled Rachel away from Mr. Schuester's door.

**Oh, she's gonna shimmy 'till her garters break**

_**and all that jazz **_

Show her where to park her girdle  
>Oh, her mother's blood'll curdle<p>

_If she'd hear her baby's queer_

For all that jazz

Once Rachel locked the door, Noah threw Rachel onto her bed. He started taking off their clothes. He started to kiss her neck.

**All that jazz  
>Come on, Babe<br>Why don't we paint  
>The town?<br>And all that jazz  
><strong>

_And all that jazz_

**I'm gonna rouge my knees  
>And roll my stockings down<br>And all that jazz**

_And all that jazz  
><em>

**Start the car  
>I know a whoopee spot<br>Where the gin is cold  
>But the piano's hot<br>It's just a noisy hall  
>Where there's a nightly brawl<br>And all that  
><strong>_jazz_

"Say it again for me, Noah." Rachel moaned.

Noah replied between kisses. "You're a star, kid. You're my little shooting star."

**No, I'm no one's wife  
>But, Oh, I love my life<br>And all  
>that<br>jazz!**

The police walked in through the front door of the Onyx Club. Shelby knew this was going to happen. Off to jail she went.

**That jazz.**

Rachel moaned to Noah. "Again, Noah. Say it again."

"You're a star." Noah said.

* * *

><p>It was the next morning and Rachel and Noah lay in Rachel's bed together. Noah got up and left Rachel there.<p>

Rachel giggled lazily. "Where's the fire, Noah?" She tried to grab his arm but he shook it off and started the search for his clothes. "Don't hurry, Noah, Finn won't be home until the afternoon. There's no need to rush."

Noah pulled up his pants and walked into the bathroom. His pace hadn't slowed down a bit.

"Hey, when am I ever going to meet your friend at the club?" Rachel wondered. "It's been a month since you last told him about me."

"There is no friend." Noah stated.

"W-what? What do you mean? Who was that guy you were talking to yesterday?"

"Trombone player. I was collecting money from a bet." Noah began putting his shoes on.

Rachel started crying. "Y-you lied to m-me?"

"You're a hot babe. I would've said anything to get a piece of that." He slapped Rachel's butt before heading to the door.

Rachel fumbled with the gun in the top drawer of her dresser. She pointed it at Noah and screamed between sobs, "You son of a bitch!" Bang! Rachel had pulled the trigger. "You son of a bitch!" Bang! Bang! The trigger was pulled two more times. "Son of a bitch…!"

"Say what happened again for me, Mr. Hudson." The Police officer said.

"Well," Finn began. "I was coming home from work when I saw someone climbing through the window. And my wife, Rachel, was upstairs sleepin' like an angel. She was always a sound sleeper. I always said she could sleep through a tornado. So I shot the guy. And like I said before, after I shot him, he kept coming at me. So I pulled the trigger again."

Finn was sitting on the bed with the policeman's flashlight in his eyes while Rachel was standing in the corner by her dresser. And Rachel thought to herself...

**Sometime's I'm right  
>Sometime's I'm wrong<br>But he doesn't care  
>He'll string along<br>He loves me so  
>That funny honey of mine<strong>

**Sometime's I'm down**  
><strong>Sometime's I'm up<strong>  
><strong>But he follows 'round<strong>  
><strong>Like some droopy-eyed pup<strong>  
><strong>He love me so<strong>  
><strong>That sunny honey of mine<strong>

Finn questioned. "And just suppose if he had violated her. Violated? Ya know what I mean by violated?"

"I know what ya mean." The policeman stated.

"Think how terrible _that_ would've been. It's a good thing I got home from work on time, I'm tellin' ya that. I say I'm tellin' ya that."

**He ain't no sheik  
>That's no great physique<br>Lord knows, he ain't got the smarts**

**Oh, but look at that soul**  
><strong>I tell you, the whole<strong>  
><strong>Is a whole lot greater than<strong>  
><strong>The sum of his parts<strong>

**And if you knew him like me**  
><strong>I know you'd agree<strong>  
><strong>What if the world<strong>  
><strong>Slandered my name?<strong>  
><strong>Why, he'd be right there<strong>  
><strong>Taking the blame<strong>

**He loves me so**  
><strong>and it all suits me fine<strong>  
><strong>That funny, sunny, honey<strong>  
><strong>Hubby of mine<strong>

"A man's got a right to protect his loved ones, don't he?" Finn asked.

"Of course he does." Replied the policeman.

**He loves me so  
>That funny honey of mine<br>He loves me so  
>That funny honey of mine<strong>

The Police officer stated. "Name of the deceased…Noah Puckerman."

"Noah Puckerman!" Finn said. "Why that can't be! My wife knows him! He cleaned our pool! He gave us 10% off…" Finn turned to Rachel. "You told me he was a burglar."

**Lord knows he ain't got the smarts**

"You mean he was dead when you got home?"

"She had him covered with a sheet and she's givin' me that cock and bull story about this burglar, and I ought to say that _I_ did it 'cause I was sure to get off." A flustered Finn told the policeman. "'Help me, Finn', she says. 'It's my God damn hour!'"

**Now, he shot off his trap  
>I can't stand that sap<strong>

**Look at him go**  
><strong>Rattin' on me<strong>  
><strong>With just one more brain<strong>  
><strong>What a half-wit he'd be<strong>

**If they string me up**  
><strong>I'll know who<strong>  
><strong>Brought the twine<strong>

"And I believed her!" Finn ranted. "That cheap little tramp. So, she was two-timing me, huh? Well, then, she can just swing for all I care. Boy, I'm down at the garage working my butt off fourteen hours a day and she's up mucnhin' on god-damn Bon Bons and jazzin' around like some god damn floozy!"

**That scummy, crummy  
>Dummy hubby of mine!<strong>

"Thought you could pull the wool over my eyes, huh? I'll tell ya I wasn't born yesterday. I tell ya there are just some things a man just can't take and this time she pushed me too far! That little chiseler! Boy, what I sap I was!" Finn yelled at himself.

Rachel ran over to where Finn was and pushed him. "You double-crosser! You big blabber mouth!" She turned to the officer. "Okay, yes I shot the bastard, but only because he was trying to burgle me!"

"Come on. You're goin' to jail." The policeman grabbed her by the arm and dragged her out of the apartment.

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><p><strong>Thanks for reading! Please review! :)<strong>


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Hi everyone! Sorry about publishing this so late. I've been trapped at a friends house and away from my computer since friday morning. Luckily I had already written this chapter. I'm almost done with the next chapter, but to those of you who read my other stories: I will be updating 'Sister' and hopefully 'Candles' by tomorrow evening. I have also started writing two more stories similar to 'Blaine Anderson Versus the Galaxy' that I'll publish sometime this week. I'm trying to update on a weekly basis so they won't all be updated tomorrow, but I promise they will be up by next weekend.**

**Also sorry for how short this chapter is. I'm not even sure it's over 1,000 words! I was going to include the second half of this, but it's not entirely finished yet so it's going to be a part of next chapter. I'll make sure next chapter is long enough to make up for this super short one!**

**Hope you like it!**

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><p>After they were done getting all of her information, the officers shuffled Rachel into a room filled with other women. She sat down next to an older blonde.<p>

The blonde looked at Rachel and said, "April Rhodes. You?"

"Rachel Hudson."

"This your first time in the 'Big Doll House'?" April asked Rachel.

Rachel nodded.

"Thought so. Listen, kid. All you need to do to survive here is be nice to Suzy."

"Who's Suzy?"

"Matron Sue Sylvester."

The doors opened to a somewhat tall, lean, blonde woman.

"Hello, ladies. I'm Matron Sue Sylvester, but you all can just call me Suzy." Sue said sweetly as she walking down the middle of the room to the back.

"Now here's the thing with Suzy…" April told Rachel. "It's like she's saying…"

**Ask any of the chickies in my pen  
>They'll tell you I'm the biggest mother hen<br>I love them all and all of them love me  
>Because the system works<br>The system called reciprocity...**

**Got a little motto**  
><strong>Always sees me through<strong>  
><strong>When you're good to Suzy<strong>  
><strong>Suzy's good to you.<strong>

"Now, you may think I'm gonna make your life a living hell." Suzy continued. "But that's just not true."

**There's a lot of favors  
>I'm prepared to do<br>You do one for Suzy  
>She'll do one for you.<br>**

"I'd like to be your friend if you'd let me. So if there's anything that displeases you in any way…" Suzy's voice wasn't sweet anymore. "Shut your fat ass mouth 'cause I don't give a shit. Now movie it out."

**They say that life is tit for tat  
>And that's the way I live<br>So, I deserve a lot of tat  
>For what I've got to give<br>Don't you know that this hand  
>Washes that one too<br>When you're good to Suzy  
>Suzy's good to you!<strong>

Rachel was just about to leave the room when she was stopped by Suzy. "Wait just a minute. You must be Hudson. Well, aren't you a pretty one."

"Thank you, maim." Rachel muttered.

"Call me Suzy." Suzy started walking with Rachel down the hall to her jail cell. "Now you'll be staying in what we like to call 'Murderer's row'."

"Is that nicer?"

**If you want my gravy  
>Pepper my ragout<br>Spice it up for Suzy  
>She'll get hot for you<strong>

**When they pass that basket**  
><strong>Folk contribute to<strong>  
><strong>You out in for Suzy<strong>  
><strong>She'll put out for you<strong>

"Ya know, I don't think I belong here. I d-didn't even do anything wrong." Rachel stuttered out of the mouth.

"I know exactly what you mean," Suzy sympathized. "I've never heard a story of a man being killed when he didn't get exactly what was coming to him."

"Hey Suzy!" Shelby called from one of the cells. "Come here! Come here."

Rachel gasped. "Shelby Corcoran! You are _the_ Shelby Corcoran! I was there the night you got arrested!"

"Yeah? You and half of Lima." Shelby spat at Rachel while she flipped through a magazine. "Look at this, Suzy." She held up the opened magazine. "An editorial of me in 'Red Book' magazine. 'Not in memory do we recall so fiendish and horrible double homicide."

Suzy was impressed but said, "You can't buy that kind of publicity."

"Couldn't buy it?" Shelby questioned. She took out some money. "I guess I can keep this then."

Suzy laughed and took the money. "Nice try." She stuffed it in her bra.

**The folks atop the ladder  
>Are the ones the world adores<br>So boost me up my ladder, Kid  
>And I'll boost you up yours<strong>

**Let's all stroke together**  
><strong>Like the Princeton crew<strong>  
><strong>When you're strokin' Suzy<strong>  
><strong>Suzy's strokin' you<strong>

**So what's the one conclusion**  
><strong>I can bring this number to?<strong>  
><strong>When you're good to Suzy<strong>  
><strong>Suzy's good to you!<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>So? What are ya thinkin'? Waste of your time? Best part of your day? Let me know!<strong>

**REVIEWS = INSPIRATION**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Hola!** Long time no read, correct? My computer crashed three times and was attacked by viruses. I had to pay to have it fixed. I didnt have the abiliy to use it for weeks. In short, my computer has not been working with me and although that is not an excuse, it's what happened.****

****Anyway, it's a decently sized chapter including two songs.****

****NOTE: Major lyric changing in tis chapter. Nothing that effects the song meaning but if you're listening to the song while reading. Fair warning: the lyrics are not identical.****

* * *

><p>It was the next morning and Rachel was sitting with six other women at a table in the mess hall.<p>

"So what'd you do to get here, Rachel?" Shelby wondered.

"I-um-murdered this son of a bitch that was using me. He said he could get me famous." Rachel replied grim. "How about you girls?"

Brittany started. "Well...we'll give you a hint…Pop!"

"Six." Tina hissed.

"Squish!" Sassily said Mercedes.

"Uh uh…" Quinn whispered.

"Marriot." Spat Shelby.

"Hughes." Santana spoke in a flat tone.

_**He had it coming, he had it coming  
>He only had himself to blame<br>If you'd have been there, if you'd have seen it  
>I bet 'cha you would have done the same<strong>_

_**Pop! Six! Squish! Uh Uh. Marriot. Hughes!**_

"_You know how people have these little habits that get 'cha down_?"Brittany told.  
><em>"Like Artie<br>Artie like to chew gum, no, not chew,  
>Pop<br>I come home this one day and there's Artie  
>Layin' on the couch sippin' a beer and chewin', no, not chewing, popping<br>So, I said to him  
>"You pop that gum one more time…" and he did<br>So I took the shotgun off the wall  
>And I fired two warning shots…<br>into his head"  
><em>  
><em><strong>He had it coming, he had it coming<br>He only had himself to blame**_

_"I met Mike Chang from Westerville about two years ago" _Tina began_.  
>"And he told me he was single and we hit it off right away<br>So, we started living together  
>He'd go to work, he'd come home, I'd fix him a drink, we'd have dinner.<br>Then I found out, single he told me?  
>Single. My. Ass.<br>Not only was he married, well, he had six wives  
>One of those Mormons, you know<br>So that night, when he came home  
>I fixed him his drink as usual<br>You know, some guys just can't hold their arsenic"  
><em>  
><em><strong>He had it coming, he had it coming<br>He took a flower in its prime  
>And then he used it and he abused it<br>It was a murder but not a crime**_

Mercedes started to tell her tale, _"Now, I'm standing in the kitchen  
>Carvin' up the chicken for dinner<br>And in storms my husband, Anthony, in a jealous rage  
>"You been screwin' the milkman"<br>He was crazy and he kept screamin'  
>"You been screwin the milkman"<br>Then he ran into my knife  
>He ran into my knife ten times"<em>

_**If you'd have been there, if you'd have seen it  
>I betcha you would have done the same<br>**_  
><em>"Mit keresek én itt?"<em> Quinn said in her native language: Hungarian. _"Azt mondják, hogy a hires lakóm lefogta a férjemet, én meg lecsaptam a fejét. De nem igaz, én ártatlan vagyok. Nem tudom, miért mondja Uncle Sam hogy én tettem. Probáltam a rendörségen megmagyarázni, de nem értették meg."_

"But did you do it?" Rachel pondered.

Quinn admitted, "Uh uh; not guilty."

Shelby started her story._ "My sister, Sally and I had this double act  
>And my husband, Rod traveled around with us<br>With the last number in our act  
>We did 20 acrobatic tricks in a row<br>One, two, three, four, five, splits, spread eagles  
>Flip flops, back flips, one right after the other<br>Well, this one night we were in the Hotel Marriot  
>The three of us, we were in this hotel room<br>Boozin' and havin' a few laughs and we ran out of ice  
>So I went out to get some<br>_

"_I come back, open the door  
>There's Sally and Rod<br>Doing number seventeen, the spread eagle  
>Well, I was in such a state of shock, I completely blacked out<br>I can't remember a thing, it wasn't until later  
>When I was washing the blood off my hands<br>I even knew they were dead."  
><em>  
><em><strong>They had it coming, they had it coming<br>They had it coming all along  
>I didn't do it, and if I'd done it<br>How could you tell me that I was wrong?**_

"_I loved Wesley Hughes," _Santana sighed, "_he was a real artistic guy, sensitive, a painter  
>But he was always trying to find himself<br>He go out every night looking for himself  
>And on the way, he found Ruth, Gladys, Rosemary and Irving<br>I guess you can say we broke up because of artistic differences  
>He saw himself as alive and I saw him dead."<br>_  
><em><strong>The dirty bum, bum, bum, bum, bum<br>The dirty bum, bum, bum, bum, bum**_

_**They had it comin', they had it comin'  
>They had it comin' all along<br>'Cause if they used us and they abused us  
>How could they tell us that we were wrong?<strong>_

**_He had it coming, he had it coming_**  
><strong><em>He only had himself to blame<em>**  
><strong><em>If you'd have been there, if you'd have seen it<em>**  
><strong><em>I betcha you would have done the same<em>**

"How can we get out of this mess?" Rachel asked.

"There's only one lawyer who never loses: Kurtsy Hummel." Tina said.

"He's never lost a case." Brittany stated.

"That's exactly what I just said, Brittany."

"No...you said 'there's only one-"

"Okay, okay! Whatever."

"If you really wanna get out of here for sure. He's your man." Mercedes added.

"There's only one issue with Kurtsy Hummel, though. He only accepts money. I couldn't even get him to have sex with me!" Santana was frustrated.

Awkward silence fell among them. Mercedes decided to break it,

"Five thousand bucks. That's what it costs to have him."

* * *

><p>Suzy let the girls outside, but of course there were gates proventing them from leaving the jail. Rachel went to go see what was going on at one specific area of the gate.<p>

**_We want Kurtsy_**  
><strong><em>Where is Kurtsy?<em>**  
><strong><em>Give us Kurtsy<em>**  
><strong><em>We want Kurtsy!<em>**  
><strong><em>K-u-r-t-s-y<em>**  
><strong><em>We're all his<em>**  
><strong><em>He's our kind of a guy<em>**  
><strong><em>And ooh what luck<em>**  
><strong><em>'Cause here he is<em>**

Kurtsy Hummel was what was going on. His name was really Kurt Hummel but Kurtsy made him sound sweeter than he truely is. He was strutting past the jail gate. Girls were pressed up against the bars trying to nab his attention.

"Mr. Hummel! Kurtsy! Kurt! Kurt Hummel!" Rachel hollered.

"Give it a rest, Rachel. You'll never catch him. He ignores us 24/7. Sometimes we dream that he cares about us. That he loves us." Santana sighed and continued. "Like that'll happen…"

_I don't care about expensive things  
>Cashmere coats, diamond rings<br>Don't mean a thing  
>All I care about is love<em>

_**That's what he's here for  
><strong>_  
><em>I don't care for wearin' silk cravats<em>  
><em>Ruby studs, satin spats<em>  
><em>Don't mean a thing<em>  
><em>All I care about is love<em>

_**All he cares about is love**__  
><em>

"Ladies, ladies!" Kurt backed away from the gate and threw his arms in the air. "Listen. Five thousand dollars is all it costs for freedom! Five thousand in _cash_. When you have the money, let me know." He turned and continued walking.

_Give me two eyes of blue  
>Softly saying, "I need you"<br>Let me see her standin' there  
>And honest, mister, I'm a millionaire<em>

_I don't care for any fine attire_  
><em>Vanderbilt might admire<em>  
><em>No, no, not me<em>  
><em>All I care about is love...<em>

_**All he cares about is love**_

None of the girls had five grand so most of them backed off.

"Mr. Hummel! Mr. Hummel, sir!" Rachel chased after him.

"Please, call me Kurtsy." Kurtsy replied without missing a step.

"Um, Kurtsy. Could you maybe consider being my lawyer? I mean I haven't got the five grand yet but-"

"Well then call me when you do."

"No! But Mr-Kurtsy!"

_Show me long raven hair  
>Flowin' down, about to there<br>Let me see her runnin' free  
>Keep your money, that's enough for me<br>I don't care for drivin' packard cars  
>Or smoking long buck cigars<br>No, no, not me  
>All I care about is<br>Doin' the guy in  
>Who's pickin, on you<br>Twistin' the wrist  
>That's turnin' the screw<br>All I care about is love!_

* * *

><p><strong>Quinn solo loose translation: "What am I doing here? They say that my famous tenant held down my husband while I cut off his head. But it's not true, I'm innocent. I don't know why Uncle Sam says I did it. I tried to explain to the police station, but they didn't understand."<strong>

**Thanks for reading! Let me know what you think! Comment and favorites = yummy food for me! I will die with out food!**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Hello, World! This was actually written a WHILE ago but it wasn't updated for some reason. Enjoy? Please? X)**

* * *

><p>It was the next morning and Rachel was sitting with six other women at a table in the mess hall.<p>

"So what'd you do to get here, Rachel?" Shelby wondered.

"I-um-murdered this son of a bitch that was using me. He said he could get me famous." Rachel replied grim. "How about you girls?"

Brittany started. "Well...we'll give you a hint…Pop!"

"Six." Tina hissed.

"Squish!" Sassily said Mercedes.

"Uh uh…" Quinn whispered.

"Marriot." Spat Shelby.

"Hughes." Santana spoke in a flat tone.

_**He had it coming, he had it coming  
>He only had himself to blame<br>If you'd have been there, if you'd have seen it  
>I bet 'cha you would have done the same<strong>_

_**Pop! Six! Squish! Uh Uh. Marriot. Hughes!**_

"You know how people have these little habits that get 'cha down?" Brittany told.

_"That get you down like Artie  
>Ernie like to chew gum, no, not chew,<br>Pop  
>I come home this one day and there's Artie<br>Layin' on the couch sippin' a beer and chewin', no, not chewing, popping  
>So, I said to him<br>"You pop that gum one more time…" and he did  
>So I took the shotgun off the wall<br>And I fired two warning shots…  
>into his head"<br>_  
><em><strong>He had it coming, he had it coming<br>He only had himself to blame**_

_"I met Mike Chang from Westerville about two years ago" Tina began.  
>"And he told me he was single and we hit it off right away<br>So, we started living together  
>He'd go to work, he'd come home, I'd fix him a drink, we'd have dinner.<br>Then I found out, single he told me?  
>Single. My. Ass.<br>Not only was he married, well, he had six wives  
>One of those Mormons, you know<br>So that night, when he came home  
>I fixed him his drink as usual<br>You know, some guys just can't hold their arsenic"  
><em>  
><em><strong>He had it coming, he had it coming<br>He took a flower in its prime  
>And then he used it and he abused it<br>It was a murder but not a crime**_

Mercedes started to tell her tale, _"Now, I'm standing in the kitchen  
>Carvin' up the chicken for dinner<br>And in storms my husband, Anthony, in a jealous rage  
>"You been screwin' the milkman"<br>He was crazy and he kept screamin'  
>"You been screwin the milkman"<br>Then he ran into my knife  
>He ran into my knife ten times"<em>

_**If you'd have been there, if you'd have seen it  
>I betcha you would have done the same<br>**_  
><em>"Mit keresek én itt?"<em> Quinn said in Hungarian. _"Azt mondják, hogy a hires lakóm lefogta a férjemet, én meg lecsaptam a fejét. De nem igaz, én ártatlan vagyok. Nem tudom, miért mondja Uncle Sam hogy én tettem. Probáltam a rendörségen megmagyarázni, de nem értették meg."_

"But did you do it?" Rachel pondered.

Quinn admitted, "Uh uh, not guilty."

Shelby started her story._ "My sister, Sally and I had this double act  
>And my husband, Rod traveled around with us<br>With the last number in our act  
>We did 20 acrobatic tricks in a row<br>One, two, three, four, five, splits, spread eagles  
>Flip flops, back flips, one right after the other<br>Well, this one night we were in the Hotel Marriot  
>The three of us, we were in this hotel room<br>Boozin' and havin' a few laughs and we ran out of ice  
>So I went out to get some<br>_

"_I come back, open the door  
>There's Sally and Rod<br>Doing number seventeen, the spread eagle  
>Well, I was in such a state of shock, I completely blacked out<br>I can't remember a thing, it wasn't until later  
>When I was washing the blood off my hands<br>I even knew they were dead."  
><em>  
><em><strong>They had it coming, they had it coming<br>They had it coming all along  
>I didn't do it, and if I'd done it<br>How could you tell me that I was wrong?**_

"_I loved Wesley Hughes," _Santana sighed, "_he was a real artistic guy, sensitive, a painter  
>But he was always trying to find himself<br>He go out every night looking for himself  
>And on the way, he found Ruth, Gladys, Rosemary and Irving<br>I guess you can say we broke up because of artistic differences  
>He saw himself as alive and I saw him dead."<br>_  
><em><strong>The dirty bum, bum, bum, bum, bum<br>The dirty bum, bum, bum, bum, bum**_

_**They had it comin', they had it comin'  
>They had it comin' all along<br>'Cause if they used us and they abused us  
>How could they tell us that we were wrong?<strong>_

**_He had it coming, he had it coming_**  
><strong><em>He only had himself to blame<em>**  
><strong><em>If you'd have been there, if you'd have seen it<em>**  
><strong><em>I betcha you would have done the same<em>**

_You pop that gum one more time_  
><em>Single my ass<em>  
><em>Ten times<em>  
><em>Miert csukott Uncle Sam bortonbe<em>  
><em>Number seventeen, the spread eagle<em>  
><em>Artistic differences<em>

I bet 'cha you would have done the same

"How can we get out of this mess?" Rachel asked.

"There's only one lawyer who never loses: Kurtsy Hummel." Tina said.

"He's never lost a case." Brittany stated.

"That's exactly what I just said, Brittany."

"No...you said 'there's only one-"

"Okay, okay! Whatever."

"If you really wanna get out of here for sure, he's your man." Mercedes added.

"There's only one issue with Kurtsy Hummel, though. He only accepts money. I couldn't even get him to have sex with me and I'm hot as hell!" Santana was frustrated.

Awkward silence fell among them. Mercedes decided to break it,

"Five thousand bucks. That's what it costs to have him."

* * *

><p>Suzy let the girls outside, but of course there were gates preventing them from leaving the jail. Rachel went to go see what was going on at one specific area of the gate. The other women were begging,<p>

_We want Kurtsy  
>Where is Kurtsy?<br>Give us Kurtsy  
>We want Kurtsy!<br>K-u-r-t-s-y  
>We're all his<br>He's our kind of a guy  
>And ooh what luck<br>'Cause here he is_

Kurt Hummel was what was going on. He was strutting past the jail gate. Girls were pressed up against the bars trying to nab his attention.

"Mr. Hummel! Kurtsy! Kurt! Kurt Hummel!" Rachel hollered.

"Give it a rest, Rachel. You'll never catch him. He ignores us 24/7. Sometimes we dream that he cares about us. That he loves us." Santana sighed and continued. "Like that'll happen…"

_I don't care about expensive things  
>Cashmere coats, diamond rings<br>Don't mean a thing  
>All I care about is love<em>

_**That's what he's here for**_

_That's what I'm here for_  
><em>I don't care for wearin' silk cravats<em>  
><em>Ruby studs, satin spats<em>  
><em>Don't mean a thing<em>  
><em>All I care about is love<em>

_**All he cares about is love**__  
><em>

"Ladies, ladies!" Kurt backed away from the gate and threw his arms in the air. "Listen. Five thousand dollars is all it costs for freedom! Five thousand in _cash_. When you have the money, let me know." He turned and continued walking.

_Give me two eyes of blue_  
><em>Softly saying, "I need you"<em>  
><em>Let me see her standin' there<em>  
><em>And honest, mister, I'm a millionaire<em>

_I don't care for any fine attire_  
><em>Vanderbilt might admire<em>  
><em>No, no, not me<em>  
><em>All I care about is love...<em>

_**All he cares about is love**_

None of the girls had five grand so most of them backed off.

"Mr. Hummel! Mr. Hummel, sir!" Rachel chased after him.

"Please, call me Kurtsy." Kurtsy replied without missing a step.

"Um, Kurtsy... Could you maybe consider being my lawyer? I mean I haven't got the five grand yet but-"

"Well then call me when you do."

"No! But Mr-Kurtsy!"

_Show me long raven hair  
>Flowin' down, about to there<br>Let me see her runnin' free  
>Keep your money, that's enough for me<br>I don't care for drivin' packard cars  
>Or smoking long buck cigars<br>No, no, not me  
>All I care about is<br>Doin' the guy in  
>Who's pickin, on you<br>Twistin' the wrist  
>That's turnin' the screw<br>All I care about is love!  
><em>

* * *

><p><strong>So, review if you like and I will attempt to update. My high school clubs and activities are all basically over so i should have more time for writing :)<strong>

Quinn solo loose translation: "What am I doing here? They say that my famous tenant held down my husband while I cut off his head. But it's not true, I'm innocent. I don't know why Uncle Sam says I did it. I tried to explain to the police station, but they didn't understand."


End file.
